Werther’s Original Vodka
At last! It is ready and amazingly tasty too.
So I finally have a definitive recipe for you all. To make a lovely litre of werther’s original vodka you will need:
1 Litre of vodka
4 x large bags of Werther’s Originals.
Check out the method by looking here
I decided not to filter this one, after starting to do so and it taking AGES and it not making a huge difference to the consistency of the booze.
I wrote some labels (adding the tip to shake the bottle before serving!) and made the bottles look pretty by attaching bows.
So Christmassy!
I then poured the vodka into the bottles using my trusty funnel and they’re ready to go!
Fabulous!
I also have my own personal bottle to tuck away with the rhubarb and custard and parma violet versions.
The Christmas Pudding rum is still not ready. I have added a handful of sugar, a handful of raisins and another of currents and a shaking of flaked almonds. I’ve still got 3 weeks and I’m hoping it’s going to come together by Christmas day.
You’ve still got time to make some flavoured vodka though – I’m going to try a batch of Chocolate Lime Vodka next…
Surprise Cupcakes
Let’s get back to some baking shall we?
Recently one of my friends invited me to celebrate his birthday at a pub. The invitation was pretty short notice but I decided the best gift I could give him (apart from the macaroni cheese in my man vs food post - which, incidentally, he’s been nagging me for ever since he read it) would be some cakes. *Cheap*
A week before the invitation, I’d bought some mini Lindt Lindor chocolates – God, I love them – and so I thought I’d try and make a cupcake with a lindor chocolate in the centre.
A mixture of milk chocolate and white chocolate balls of fabulousness
Chocolate cakes would be too rich, so a vanilla batter would be the best option. No icing on them either as I needed to put them in a cake tin and I also believed that the sweet in the centre would be sweet enough.
I popped the chocolates into the freezer for an hour – to prevent them from melting the second they hit the hot oven – and then realised that I didn’t have enough chocolates for each cupcake. Never fear! There’s always a stray box of chocolates in the Partyspanner household (it’s my secret shame) so I dug out a half empty box of mint chocolates and broke them in half before shoving the lot in the freezer.
Mint crisps mainly. *drool*
I whipped up a vanilla batter
Smoooooth
And double lined my muffin trays with jaunty cases before adding the batter to each case, adding a chocolate and then “topping up” the cases until they were 3/4 full.
It's like the russian roulette of cupcakes
Into the oven for..er, I think it was about 20 minutes and they came out looking (and smelling) pretty good.
I just HAD to try one to see how they turned out
Mint crisp! Dammit!
SHIT! The chocolate had sunk to the bottom of the cake. The sponge was tasty though (and the mint had infused through the cake while baking which was interesting). I decided to take the risk and after letting the cakes cool completely, I placed them into a tin and took them to the pub.
There were more on the bottom layer, honestly!
At the pub we all had a few drinks, toasted the birthday boy, and I opened the tin. People started eating the cakes and I suddenly heard my name being bandied about with the phrase “hash cakes”. At first I thought they must be saying “smashing cakes” until someone actually asked me what was on the bottom of the cakes. Confused, I looked at the empty case in the someone’s hands and saw:
Oh. Em. Gee. I'm a drugdealer.
Gah! All of the chocolates had sunk – DAMN THEIR EYES – and so I had basically served up plain vanilla sponges with encrusted chocolate cupcake cases. Genius.
Ah well, the cakes soaked up a little bit of the alcohol at any rate.
Cases on drinks tray
Typical Partyspanner.
We Didn’t Start the Fire
To The Tune of We Didn’t Start The Fire by Billy Joel
Autumn Statement Day today, George Osbourne go away,
Slashing, cutting, burning, hurting, borrowing yet more,
Growth too weak, The Poor Must Pay, It has always been this way,
Cut their wages, Freeze Tax credits, Leave the bankers be.
Council houses, right to buy, they don’t need no alibi,
Maggie Thatcher, back again, in the guise of richer men
Pouring money into schools, not the sort the poor would use,
Bastards, wankers, Tory Bankers, Condem Government.
The Poor didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
While the world was turning
We didn’t start the fire
No we didn’t light it
But we can still fight it.
Sure Start Centres, EMA, Rights for workers in decay, Health Service Cuts are Deep. Big Society.
DLA, Student Fees, They don’t care who gets the squeeze, Deficit is all they say, It’s Absolute Shit.
Lib Dem, Nick Clegg, “Brake on Tories”, backing them. Opposition just won’t fight, as the slashing starts to bite.
The Elite, Millionaires, Stupid if you think they care; Time to strike and make a stand – Agitate and make demands.
So I say on STRIKING day – I support you, DON’T GIVE WAY!
We didn’t start the fire
Repeat to end.
Yeah, I’m aware of the scansion is a bit off, but I’m ANGRY Goddammit.
I’d like to thank my ineptness for this award
The horribly funny and truthful blogger MommySaidASwearWord nominated me for..oh God, I don’t understand all this stuff..some kind of badge thing that I can attach to my site that means I’m brilliant, or something.
The only thing I need to do is to tell you seven secrets and then link up to other blogs that I think are great. I might have the whole concept totally wrong, and to be brutally honest, I’m really not prepared to talk about my true secrets online, so instead I’m going to make some secrets up.
1) I was the original model for the Lois character in Family Guy. I met the creator of Family Guy, Seth MacFarlane back in 1990 when we were both bright-eyed 18 year olds with our whole lives ahead of us. We met at a party through a school exchange (Kent in England and Kent in Conneticut) and hit it off. I was sporting a short bobbed red head look at the time and often wore a green shirt with chinos. Seth and I had a few drinks, a few laughs, and when he tried to kiss me, I rebuffed him gently. I truly believe that in his hugely successful Family Guy TV show that Lois = me, and Brian = him.
2) I won a huge sum on the lottery back in 2006. I accepted the money and transferred it instantly into the bank account of my favourite charity. They never knew where the money came from, and I have never told a single soul.
3) I have a mole shaped like a horse on my left buttock.
4) I recently deleted all of the Dr.Who series which had been recorded on our Sky Plus box because I only had 5% of memory left and I wanted to ensure that there was room for America’s Next Top Model. I told Oliver that there had been a file corruption.
5) Sometimes, when I’m bored at work, I prank call suppliers pretending to be an idiot.
6) My favorite food is actually a sandwich comprised of veal, beef, chicken, hot chilli pepper, peanut butter and coleslaw. I call it a Scooby Doo Sandwich and I eat it when I’m feeling hormonal.
7) Sometimes I dream about Ian Hislop – in a sexy way.
So, that’s the secret part of it out of the way.
Onto my favourite bloggers:
And I’m done.
Stir Up Sunday – Making Christmas Pudding
I have a confession to make. I hate Christmas pudding, Christmas cake and mincemeat – mainly because I don’t like raisins, sultanas, glace cherries and mixed peel. ick.
This year, we are having lots of lovely people to us for Christmas day and so I thought I’d better make a traditional pudding.
Stir up Sunday, which falls on the last Sunday in November before Advent, is the day when we’re all supposed to scuttle into our kitchens and prepare our cakes and puddings to give them plenty of time to mature into dark, sticky sweets and making them this far in advance also means that they can be fed with brandy or rum for a good few weeks before the big day.
The night before making my pud, I put a pound coin into some coca-cola over night to give it a good clean.
Coca-Cola is like bleach
I’ve never made a christmas pud before so I had a good look through my recipe books, and online, before plumping for a fairly basic recipe – with a couple of my own personal tweaks.
Look at that adorable pudding bowl
I macerated the dried fruits, substituting a little of the horrible raisins for horrible glace cherries, in my Christmas Pudding Rum, and a splash of Cointreau.
Soaking the fruit should plump it up (is that true? Maybe it's just to disguise the taste)
and left it to stew in it’s own juices for an hour or so. I then zested an orange and lemon using my amazing new gadget.
Zester of brilliance
Yep, I’ve got yet another new helper in the kitchen and it is awesome! It fits onto your knuckles and as you gently rub away at the skin of the fruit it grates it very finely giving you perfect zest in a little box with no mess or aggravation.
Fabulous!
I couldn’t be bothered to grate the apple shown in the ingredients photo, so for that reason, it’s out.
I added the zest, spices (cinnamon, nutmeg and mixed spice), suet, sugar and plain flour to the marinated fruit, popped the cleaned coin into the mixture and stirred it up!
Well, that looks...vile.
Traditionally each member of the family, starting with the youngest, gets to have a stir of the mixture and make a wish.
I wonder what he wished for...
Tom was out so he didn’t get a wish. I guess I should be grateful or I might have been melted and unable, therefore, to write this post.
I prepared circles of foil to fit onto the top of the basins and large circles (a good few inches wider than the circumference of the bowls)of greaseproof paper before packing the mixture into two bowls. (Lucky Nana might be getting one of these)
This is NOT like a cake batter at all. (It looks a bit maggoty)
The next bit – the tying of the paper onto the basins was a total nightmare. The full basins were awkward, the string kept sliding off the slippery surface of the greaseproof paper and it was frustrating, until I called for help and finally managed to secure the bloody things.
*frowns*
The puddings need to steam now for 5-6 hours. I KNOW! That’s bloody MAD! FIVE TO SIX HOURS and then they have to be steamed again on Christmas day for a further 2-3 hours. It’s not even bloody NICE and it takes eight hours to cook and – let’s face it – a month to mature.
Waste. Of. Time.
Unless you like Christmas pudding that is, in which case, I expect it all sounds very reasonable.
I placed one pudding into a steamer pan, and the other into a large saucepan with an inverted saucer on the bottom, and boiling water poured to 3/4 of the way up the bowl and left them to it.
Lid on
The noise of it! The water bubbling and boiling, the lids ticking, the steam escaping! My kitchen sounded like some sort of steampunk dream.
After the first couple of hours had passed (and condensation dripped from every window pane) it suddenly started to smell a lot like Christmas in the Spanner home.
It’s very important to keep a close eye on the water levels. I let the steamer pan boil dry twice and only noticed when the bubbling from the kitchen had changed from a low bubbling sound to a high pitched crackly screech.
After five and a half hours, and just as Antiques Roadshow started it’s comforting theme tune, I removed the puddings and left them to cool.
Cooling Puddings
Once they were cold I replaced the foil and paper for fresh, before stashing in a dark cupboard.
Ready to go and be the mature and manly puddings they should be
For the recipe have a look here - if you started this weekend I’m sure it would be fine.
A Cake for a Baby Shower
The baby shower is becoming more and more popular in the UK. I know lots of people are quite sniffy about them, but I think it’s a lovely idea to have a party before your baby arrives and renders you incapable of any conversation other than how sore your nipples are, and the consistency and frequency of poop (and not just the baby’s).
So, I was invited to a baby shower today and I promised to bring a cake.
I decided to avoid the horrors of the “baby” cake, and not just because I don’t have the skill, but also because the thought of hacking into an infant just feels wrong. Waiting until they’re teenagers is much better.
While shopping for the cake ingredients, I happened upon some giant Jazzies…
Giant SNOWIES? Jazzies. They are Giant Jazzies
and decided that these would be the perfect decoration for my cake, invoking childhood for the guests and with the added bonus of having the right pastel colours for a baby shower.
Last night I prepared a chocolate batter (thank you again Hummingbird) and baked 4 cakes in batches.
Top Tip – Get some of this. It is amazing.
Easy Greasing without the buttery fingers.
The kitchen started to look like an assembly line.
Ready to go in the oven, cooling in tin, cooling on cooling rack..It's the CIRCLE of sponge
I used my usual method of checking to see if the sponges had cooked through, which is to push a piece of uncooked spaghetti into the centre of the cake. If the spaghetti comes out completely clean, the cake is ready.
Much better than a skewer as it leaves a teeeeeny hole
Everything was going along in a surprisingly efficient and organised manner. Until I tried to move one of the sponges from one cooling tray to another at which point my brain did a fart and I fumbled. Time slowed down and I watched in horror as the cake fell from my hands onto the counter and BROKE.
ARGH!
Do you have any idea of how annoying it is to be me? Any clue at all? Let me tell you something, it is VERY annoying to be such a consistent idiot.
*sigh*
So we’re down to a three layer cake, and looking on the brightside at least I got to taste the sponge to “make sure it’s OK”.
I left the remaining cakes to cool down completely before putting them in a cake tin (in between layers of greaseproof paper) overnight.
A bit wonky, not completely perfect - I love homemade cakes.
This morning I got up and removed the cakes from their tin, and in a blinding flash I realised that I hadn’t really thought through how I was going to transport the finished article to the party. I toyed with the idea of just putting it on a stand, but the way I drive would surely result in a smashed up cake and buttercream icing all over the EVERYWHERE. So, off I went to the cakeporn shop (God, I love it there so much – they have little pots of ready made icing in every imaginable colour for a start, and sprinkles! SPRINKLES like you couldn’t even begin to think of) and bought a base for the cake – that made me feel quite grown up – a box for the cake and some adorable little ready made icing feet. Yes, you heard. Feet. I also dashed over to the newsagents and bought some regular sized jazzies too.
Look at them liddle feet. AWWW.
Oh! At this point maybe I should point out that the woman who is baking a baby has had a scan and is having a girl, hence the pink feet, they do also sell blue ones (but to be honest, who has blue feet? Apart from me in bed)
I needed a LOT of buttercream icing and plumped for a creamy vanilla flavoured one. I really couldn’t be arsed to sieve 750g of icing and so took the cheats way out and blitzed it quickly in my food processor to get rid of any lumps. (I know that from a purely logical point of view the amount of time saved sieving is eclipsed by the amount of time getting the food processor out, washing it up, drying it, and putting it away, but honestly? I really HATE sieving)
I added the butter to the icing sugar and using a hand held whisk, blended until the mixture had a sand-like texture. Now, I know that this method makes amazing icing (adding liquid later seems to really give the mix a lovely fluffy texture) but Jesus, the MESS!
Icing sugar coats everything in a fine, sweet dust.
And onto assembly. I placed the first sponge onto the base and added a layer of buttercream, followed by the second cake and another layer of icing, and then the final sponge on the top.
Whoa, looking a bit Leaning Tower of Cakesa there.
I then iced the whole cake using a palette knife. A new one, which only bloody works! I think that if I’d owned this my cola cupcakes would have looked better. The trick seems to be to build the icing up rather than bunging it all on and hoping for the best. So I did a “base coat” first and then added more frosting in layers.
Smoooooth
Once the cake was iced I got on with my favourite part, decorating!
I placed the giant jazzies around the edges of the top and added the little feet.
*empty womb*
I pressed the smaller jazzies around the outside of the cake.
LOOK! Honestly, I was so proud of this.
and I was done.
So into the box it went – after making everyone in the house come and have a look. I just about managed to stop myself from dragging people in off the street, that’s how proud I was. And now you get to look at it again.
I love it.
Off I went to the party, which was LOVELY by the way, and I managed to get a quick shot of the cake being cut (I’m going to be honest, I demanded that someone took a photo, like some sort of cakeadonna. I think I got away with it though, as everyone just thought I was a bit eccentric)
A slice
and then the whole thing disappeared in the space of 10 minutes – I shit you not.
So, if you’ve stumbled here via a Search Engine – I URGE you to make this cake – a two layer one would be simpler, obviously, and you can use any combination of sponge and icing you like – everyone liked the jazzies though – so, yeah, Definitely do the jazzie thing.
Christmas Booze – Week Four
To get started look here for week one
and here for week two
I know there’s no week three, but that’s because nothing much was happening.
The Werther’s Original Vodka is doing OK, it’s still very vodka-y so I will be adding yet another bag of sweets to the mix this weekend (when I remember to buy them)
Before shaking
The Christmas Pudding Rum is..well, it needs something but I’m not sure quite what yet. I’m going to give it another week and then maybe add some more fruit, nuts and sugar.
Also before shaking - check out the sediment on this baby.
The Parma Violet Vodka is ready for filtering.
It smells like a pack of sweeties and tastes like twisted childhood memories.
It looks like a very naughty, slightly effeminate, Guinness
Filtering is the same process as in week two.
drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip
The first filtration left quite a lot of foam in the filter paper
I didn't taste it. (You know I did)
and a slight “scum” floating on the top of the liquid.
It looks a bit like mould. It isn't.
So I changed the filter paper and poured the liquid through again.
This time though, I went slightly bonkers at the end of the process (in my defence I was baking cakes at the same time and drinking wine was a little bit distracted) and squeezed the filter paper to get the last valuable drops of liquid out. What an idiot. Of course this squirted the foam straight through the paper, down the funnel and into the liquid and so I was onto a third filter paper and starting all over again. Top Tip – don’t do this.
Squeezed filter paper
So after a third (and self-inflicted) filtering the vodka was ready and bottled up.
Hmmm.
Now. As you can see I have lost half of my lovely, lovely vodka. Some of this can be attributed to the filtering process (by the final one I was starting to get a bit slapdash) some of the loss can be blamed on the tasting, and some on the initial pouring away of vodka to fit the sweets into the bottle.
It is fabulous though, and I will definitely be making more of this one.
The Rhubarb and custard vodka, bottled on the second week, remains clear and sediment free. It has become quite the party trick for visitors.
I play, “what’s the flavour?” and watch as they get steadily more pie-eyed while trying to locate that memory buried in the back of their childhood brains, of sweets sucked on a wet playground while Barry Tilner chased them for a kiss.
Now, just to get that Christmas Pudding Rum tasting as good as it smells (It’s going in the Christmas pudding this weekend, ready or not)
A Custard Pie in the face
It’s Sunday and so it’s the day for getting back to my wonderful Hummingbird book.
I decided to have a go at making a Custard and Cinnamon tart. I’m not sure why, as my record for making custard currently stands at : Custard – 5, Partyspanner – 0… and I can’t even remember the last time I made pastry.
It was certainly a challenge.
First to make the pastry base. The recipe calls for softened unsalted butter, which..isn’t that just wrong? I thought pastry needed to be kept very cold and that the butter should be positively icy before it is added to the flour, so I was slightly sceptical.
Check out my new chopping board.
Apart from the soft butter, the usual principles of pastry making were applied. ie mixing the flour and butter to a breadcrumb texture before adding the sugar and an egg to make a dough. The ball of pastry is then lightly kneaded before going into the fridge to rest (yeah, I bet it’s knackered) before being rolled out onto a lightly floured surface.
"I feel all, like, calm, yeah? Really, like, rested and chilled"
So, I rolled the dough, GENTLY, to a thickness of 1/4 of an inch and wider than the tart tin and then tried to lift if off. It stuck. It stuck tight. So I scraped it all back up into a ball again, floured the surface again and started rolling again. I turned the pastry and flipped it regularly to stop it sticking and then folded an end around the rolling pin before transferring to the tart tin.
*SCREAM* FUCKING PASTRY DOUGH BASTARD!
So. I scraped it all back up again – all the while knowing that I’ve basically blown it. Pastry is like me with PMT – it requires the minimum of touching, likes to be cold and completely falls to pieces if it feels “got at”.
I finally managed to get the bloody stuff rolled and into the tin, all the while knowing that I’m fighting a losing a battle, and I’ve still got the custard to make (along with a full roast dinner for the company who are arriving to dine with us)
Look at it. The stupid tempraMENTAL stuff
The pastry case now heads into the fridge for another rest (seriously, pastry is the laziest of all food stuffs) before being blind baked – which basically means that the tin is lined with baking paper and filled with baking beans before going into the oven for 12 minutes.
Ever feel like something is far too much work?
After the blind bake, the paper and beads are removed and the case is baked for a further 15 minutes, or until the pastry is cooked through and golden.
I have pastry left over and so what do all good cooks make with left over pastry?
Of course...Jam Tarts
The jam tarts join the pastry case in the oven and are baked for a good 20 minutes, or until the pastry has browned and the jam is bubbling slightly.
Now onto the custard. *shudder*
I adore home made custard, but for some reason I can never get it right. The custard splits, or just refuses to thicken and so I was nervous.
I heated some whole milk and vanilla essence to boiling point while making a custard paste using egg yolks, flour, sugar and salt (eh?)
At this point, you should probably carry on mixing until the paste is smooth. I didn't - you really should.
Then add a small amount of the hot milk to form a liquid and add the custard liquid to the milk and vanilla
STIR STIR STIR! (note that the milk is off the heat while you do this)
And then the whole lot is heated gently while stirring continuously, until it thickens and is not lumpy.
Yes, well I stirred it madly, and heated it gently and it was lumpy and horrible and awful and terrible.
I carried on, BRAVELY, and whipped the egg whites (seperated from the yolks earlier) into soft peaks and it a fit of pique (see what I did there?) I used the cookbook itself as a heat defuser as I folded a small amount of the beaten egg whites into the lumpen custard mess.
Take THAT!
I transferred the bloody mess mixture into the rest of the egg whites and folded both together weeping.
It looks AWFUL. just awful
The photos dry up a bit here as I was feeling completely disconsolate – but I poured the final mix into the cooled pastry case and refrigerated.
Just chillin' wit me fridge homies y'all.
Ugh. Lumpy and weirdly…wobbly, I really thought I had a complete disaster on my hands.
In Jam Tart News, they had baked and cooled and were looking – well, like jam tarts should.
Golden and shiny
I then got on with the rest of the meal and had a lovely evening…all the while, in the back of my head the Custard Tart tickled and called “I’m an embarrassment. Lumpen and mishapen. You didn’t buy a back up dessert you IDIOT!”
Filled with trepidation I took the tart out of the fridge and in a stunning piece of recipe bastardisation, I grated nutmeg over the top instead of cinnamon. It just felt…right.
Pastry is too pale and has a weird "lip" around the top.
BUT! something miraculous (or probably chemical/scientific) had happened to the tart as it rested and chilled in the fridge. The lumps disappeared. As I cut a slice, the filling had a mousse-like quality and although the pastry was tougher than it should have been it was cooked through and NOT A COMPLETE ABORTION.
Not a total catastrocake
Amazingly, everyone loved it. To be fair this was after a couple of glasses of wine, but even the non drinkers seemed to really enjoy it.
*shakes head*
Ah Hummingbird..you frightened me with your complicated recipe, but I see, once again that you truly are the King of all my cookery books.
The X Factor = Rhythmix
It’s Saturday night.
If you’re not out on the town, then it’s time for a bit of Saturday night television…for many that means watching the X Factor.
Tonight though, after many weeks of campaigning, is the night to turn your back on the endlessly, relentless, money making, bullying bullshit.
Rhythmix is a charity who fought bravely to protect their name after Syco used it as a bandname.
They finally backed down and changed the name of the band to “Little Mix”. Great.
Rhythmix now face an £8,000.00 legal bill. Nice one, Syco.
So, I ask you to
a) Switch off, or switch over..
or instead of sticking a bit more money into the Syco pocket, why not use your vote by..
b) donating by texting RTMX11 £1 to 70070.
Not a funny blog – sorry about that.
http://www.facebook.com/RhythmixMusicCharity
Update: For updates please check out the facebook page and follow them on twitter @rhythmixmusic
UPDATED (again):
“Both Syco and Rhythmix have been in touch and this matter has been positively resolved. Syco commends all the good work that Rhythmix does, and are happy to make a donation to the charity. As previously agreed, Syco will also withdraw the application for the trademark. Rhythmix wish Little Mix the best in their endeavours for The X Factor and would like to thank Syco for their donation and for withdrawing their trademark application.
Rhythmix would like to thank all the members of the public who supported the Charity in seeking to resolve this matter, and to thank Unity PR.
Chief Executive Mark Davyd said “We are very pleased this has been brought to an amicable conclusion. These are difficult times for charities and other third sector organisations, and we are very pleased that we have been able to reach an agreement with SyCo to put this matter behind us.” Mr Davyd confirmed that all donations made to the Charity by the public in the last few weeks would be used to support frontline projects working with vulnerable young people, as was the declared intention during the fundraising campaign.”
Wonderful news!
Search Engine Terms.
I love my blog, and I love blogging.
I like the thought that I’m writing down some stuff that I can look back on when I’m older,smile wryly, and think “Oh, I used to make such an effort!”.
I’m also looking forward to the emotional blackmail I can send via text to the boys when they’re married and haven’t spoken to me for a fortnight. I can picture it now:
ME TEXT: “Hello! How are you? I called a couple of times and left a few voicemail messages, which you are yet to return! lol [they will totally know this is sarcastic as the lower case lol is an anathema to me]. I was thinking about all the sacrifices I made when you were just MY little boy *inserts link to Willy Wonka Post* and wondering if you couldn’t take five minutes to call your MOTHER. xx love you xx”
Seriously? It’s the only reason I do this shit.
Although, that’s not strictly true. I do enjoy the fact that other people read my nonsense and some even seem to enjoy it – the weirdo’s.
Even better than that though are the poor hapless souls who google something (Other search engines are available – hopeless, but available) and land on my blog.
Quite often these searches will be something completely unrelated to the information to my posts, and I like to picture these poor googler’s faces as they arrive here, look around guiltily and click away, continuing their quest for:
“regret+hen+night+snog”
Oh dear. poor old regret+hen+night+snog. I hope she found the site that could help her…or him..or whatever.
The majority of searches are perfectly normal and understandable:
“halloween hamburgers”
“what does a rotten coconut look like?”
“ice cream cupcakes”
all link nicely to a post that the searcher might find helpful.
“wanna smoke? alpaca bowl”
however, is a consistent – and I’m sure disappointing to the searcher – entry. I thought it was probably about drugs. Although on a little google search of my own I found that it’s an internet meme. Still, I’m sure that every person who lands on my I’m famous on the internet post from this search is nonplussed (I still think there’s some sort of drug reference in there I’m not getting)
This week I’ve had 4 searches land for:
“smallest twat i have ever seen”
3 searches for:
“food smearing cakesporn”
and 2 searches for
“Halloween Pumpkin Fucking”
which both jibe uncomfortably with:
“letting god out of the box”
It’s all so random, and so from ”jumping into the sea in our school uniform” and “llama standing on a chicken with glasses and a straw hat” I would like to move swiftly on to my favourite Search Engine Term EVER (and I’m not lying – this is an actual hit on this site)
*drum roll*
“a friend was getting pissed off with the guy who was throwing a party, so when everything calmed down, and most people were gone or asleep, he got the butter. he microwaved the butter. then poured the melted butter into a bowl. then shat in the butter carton. then poured in the melted butter, and let it set in the fridge. then left.”
SO MANY THINGS WRONG. But baby, SO MANY THINGS RIGHT.
